


Not Enough

by whats1fandom



Series: Time [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: But its not too sad, Cancer, Donghyuck is happy go lucky, I ship them too hard, Illnesses, Im Markhyuck trash, Im literally going down with this ship, M/M, Mark has no hope, Patients!Markhyuck, So im basically a markhyuck account, We need more markhyuck fics, this is sad, you know what i mean?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-18 14:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8165266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whats1fandom/pseuds/whats1fandom
Summary: Mark was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma when he was thirteen years old. He's been treated in the hospital for four years now, but there is little the doctors can do to treat him. Donghyuck was twelve when he found out he had Non Hodgkin Lymphoma. He shares a room with Mark, and has been for four years now. They both know they're going to die sooner or later, that's why Mark can't understand why Donghyuck seems so happy and free.





	1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! So in the story, there will be some medical words and terms I will use. I thought it would be good to know what the diseases are, if you don't already know.

So let's start with Mark. Mark has Ewing sarcoma, which is types of bone tumors. It usually forms in the hip bones, ribs, or in the middle of long bones, like the legs or back. It is most common in bones, but Ewing sarcoma can also be found in soft tissues. While this isnt one of the most deadliest cancer with over a fifty pecent of surviving, it can be less than thirty percent if the cancer had already spred before it was discovered, like Mark's has. Mark has it in his ribs.

Donghyuck was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin Lymphoma. The cancer affects the lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell, and is characterized by larger lymph nodes, fever, and weight loss. There many types of Non Hodgkin Lymphoma, depending on if it is a fast or slow cancer. This cancer is on the top ten list of the deadliest cancers, and has no cure, nor can the doctors figure out what the cause is.

If you want to know more, please look it up. I found it to be interesting.

And so this will be the base of the story.

So I didn't give you guys a good summary, so let me tell you. Mark and Donghyuck are roommates in the hospital they stay at. I wouldn't say that their relationship is romantic, but its not platonic, you get me? So Mark is kind of negative, and hates his life. While Donghyuck seems happy with his life and is determined to live it to its fullest. So yeah that's the basics.

I hope you guys will read this and comment to tell me what you think about it!


	2. Chapter 2

How long has it been since he's been looking a this white ceiling? A year? Two? Mark doesn't know. How long ago was it when he was diagnosed with cancer? It feels so recent, yet so far away. How can he remember anything with these depressing white walls surrounding him? That how his mind works nowadays. Just like a machine, asking then same questions everyday, but he never got an answer

Mark isn't really living anymore, more like surviving. He can just make out sounds of his roommate, and best friend of four years, taking his daily morning shower. He can barely make out the sounds of the loud machines that are always beside him. Can barely feel the prick of needles and other things. 

He just feels so freaking… hollow. Like there's nothing in him, just an empty body.

He hates it here and he hates how his life turned out. He used to be a swimmer, the best in his middle school. He had dreams of going to the Olympics and representing for his country. He had planned to get a girlfriend, go to college, get married and have some kids. Now all of those things he once dreamed about when he was younger, Mark laughs at now. None of that would be possible. Seeing as though he is slowly dying. Sometimes he justs wants it to be all over. Just let his body fail him, so he can finally be at peace. 

"I hate my life." Mark muttered to himself.

Mark couldn't hear when Donghyuck had turned off the shower and didn't hear when he opened the door. 

"Good morning hyung!" Donghyuck said happily. Mark wondered how he wasn't freezing with only sweatpants on and a towel around his neck, since it's always cold in the room and is literally 20° outside. Mark know this because he watches the news every morning.

"Morning Donghyuck." Mark said unenthusiastically.

"Oh come on hyung! It's a beautiful day! We're still alive! You should be happy! Smile! Come on, why can't you be happy we have another chance to live?!"

"Why would I be happy 'cause I have another day of suffering?" Mark asked sarcastically.

Donghyuck just hummed thoughtfully and began his morning stretches. Whenever he would stretch, Mark noticed every single bone. He could count every single one of the younger's ribs, and could clearly see his spinal cord and collar bone. The younger was sickenly thin and Mark finds himself thinking about how he still has so much energy. He literally reminded Mark of a toothpick, but of course Donghyuck doesn't need strength to hurt you. His sharp tongue is enough. Believe Mark, he knows.

"So, any plans for today?" Donghyuck asked after he put a sweater on and sat down on Mark's bed.

"Other than hoping for a cure, then no."

"Well that's good, because when Dr.Kim comes in here I'm going to ask her if we can go out today. It's been so long since we've gotten some fresh air."

Mark looked at Donghyuck like he had just grown two heads. "Are you fucking crazy?! Why in the world would she let us outside when it's below freezing. And have you forgotten about how our bones are literally deteriorating? We can't be outside just walking around,"

"Well our bones are going to deteriorate whether we're walking or sitting. I just think if we had a little adventure, we'd feel better." Donghyuck argued.

"Whatever. She's going to say no anyway. They don't even let us out on the roof." 

"Come on Mark, stop being so negative! Of course you're gonna have a miserable life, you won't even try to be happy."

"That's because I have nothing to be happy for." Mark said.

"Well I'll make you happy. If anyone can make you happy about life, it's me. Let's make a deal okay? I'm going to make sure you have a great time today, and if you don't, then I won't pester you anymore. How bout it?"

Mark sighed, there really was changing Donghyuck's mind. "Fine. But we still haven't gotten permission."

Donghyuck smirked. "Don't worry, I've got everything under control."

The conversation went dead and the two turned to see what was on TV while waiting for their doctor to come visit.

When Dr.Kim did arrive around 9, Donghyuck made sure to turn on the charm.

"Good morning boys! How did you sleep?" She asked.

"My sleep was wonderful! I feel so full of energy today, I just want to run around, but this room is so small." Donghyuck started.

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better than yesterday. Maybe you can go to the gym. Help with those bones."

"Yeah, that's an idea. But you know, since I don't have chemotherapy today, maybe I can go outside. You know, get some fresh air. I heard that's very important for a growing child." Donghyuck suggested happily.

"Outside? In this weather, I don't think so mister."

"But Kim noona, I'm a dying boy! I want to have some fun before I die, is that too much to ask for? Even if I'm going to die, I still should be able to have fun like other kids. Do you hate me?" Donghyuck innocently. He made sure to give her those puppy eyes.

"No, of course not! Its just too cold for you to be alone outside. We Don't know how this weather will affect you health. We don't want you to get sick and make you any worse."

"But, I won't be alone!"

Dr.Kim shook her head. "I can't go with you Donghyuck. I have other patients that I need to check on."

"So I can go with Mark!" Donghyuck suggested suddenly.

Said boy shook his head. "Nope. You are not bringing me into this. Not this time."

"Donghyuck, Mark is not eligible to look out for you."

"Come on! It's just outside, if anything happens to me, we can call someone. Pretty please, it won't be for long."

Dr.Kim sighed. "Fine. You and Mark can go outside for one hour. After that you need to come back inside. If you start to feel faint, please tell someone."

Donghyuck squealed. "Thank you so much noona!"

"A nurse will be bring in some breakfast and your vitamins. Make sure you eat them this time, okay Donghyuck?"

"Okay noona, I promise!"

When the female nurse left after serving the promised breakfast, Donghyuck immediately went to his closet to put on his coat and scarf.

"Come on Mark, let's go. Make sure you bring some money with you."

"Money? Why do I need money?" Mark asked, confused.

"Oh Mark. You didn't really think we were just going outside did you? I want to something fun, so we're going out into town."

"Are you crazy! We'll be in so much trouble!"

Donghyuck shrugged. "It won't be too bad. Over the years I've had cancer, I've learned that people are nicer to you. It's not like we'll be beat or something."

"Yeah, but what if something happens to us. You know you have random fevers and fatigue. What if you pass out, or what if I do? Huh?"

"I'll simply call the ambulance. They'll definitely be easy on us if one of us got hurt."

Mark still want too sure. "I don't know about this."

"Come on Mark, live a little. We don't have much time, so let's live our lives to the fullest."

Mark signed reluctantly. "Alright. It's not like I have anything to lose. Let's do it."

Donghyuck smiled at Mark. "That's the spirit hyung!"

XXXXXXX

"So where are we going exactly?" Mark asked Donghyuck for the third time in the past thirty minutes.

"I told you that it's a surprise. You'll find out when we get there."

"I'm really starting to get tired. Can we please sit for a sec?"

Donghyuck had half a mind to ignore the older boy's complain, but he was also starting to feel fatigued, so Donghyuck decided to take a seat on a near by bench.

"I don't know what I was thinking. We could die out here! Did I mention that it is a 65% chance that there will be snow tonight. This is not what we're supposed to be doing. I could be in my warm and toasty bed, but I had to listen to you. God I'm stupid."

"You're not hyung. I'm sort I brought you out here. It just that I haven't gotten to leave that hospital in the four years I've been there. There's just so much a person can take. Don't you ever get tired at staring at those plain white walls all day?" Donghyuck breathed.

"Of course I get tired of them. But what can I do, Hyuck. We have to stay there if we want any hope at surviving."

"But that's just it. You don't have any hope, even when you're hooked to all of those machines. I see your eyes… and they look so dead. Why should we waste away in a room? I could be doing a lot of things, enjoying the last bit of life I have. It's definitely not enough, but I just don't feel right sitting in my bed and letting my life pass me by. Many people think there's no hope for surviving, but they're still alive. As long as I'm breathing, I have hope. How can you not? It already a miracle you're still alive." Donghyuck ranted.

It was quiet for awhile, neither of the two saying anything. 

"I'm scared hyung."

Mark looked at the younger boy, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I see everything slipping away from me. My health, my family, my friends. All of that is disappearing. And I'm scared that no one cares if I live or die."

"Don't say that Hyuckie. They care about you, I care about you. You're not alone." Mark took the younger's hand and rubbed it in comfort.

"Let's make a deal, okay?"

"Sure. What is it?" Mark asked.

"We'll never forget each other. We'll be best friends until death does us apart. That we'll try to be happy for the rest of our lives. Deal?" Donghyuck said, putting out his hand.

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

Donghyuck shrugged. "Fair enough."

There was a pregnant pause until Mark asked.

"You're really not going to tell me where we're going?"

"Yah! Didn't I tell you you'd know when get there?" Donghyuck scolded. "Come on, we need to be on our way."

"How do I know you're not leading me into a death trap?"

Donghyuck just shrugged. "You don't. You're just gonna have to trust me."

With that Donghyuck took slow, cautious steps, not even bothering to wait for Mark. They walked for awhile, with a few rest stops, before they had finally reached their destination.

"The winter carnival? We're going to a carnival?"

"Yep! Now smile, we're here to have some fun!" 

Mark couldn't help admiring the excitement that was in the younger's eys. That innocence reminded Mark that Donghyuck is only 16. That he should be having fun, not in a hospital bed. Neither of them ever had a chance of growing up.

"Hyung? Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh um, yeah. I'm okay. Let's go."

Donghyuck smiled at him and took his hand. "I used to come here every year with my friends. I would always enter the singing contest, and not to toot my own horn, but I always won first place."

Mark chuckled. "You never told me you used to sing."

Donghyuck blushed. "It never really came up."

"Fair enough. Now stop the pity party and let's go play some games."

Donghyuck ran to the first game he saw, which was ring toss. Donghyuck had never really played any of these carnival games, so it no wonder why he hadn't gotten any of the rings on the moving squirrels. Mark watched, trying not to laugh after his numerous failures. Eventually, Mark took pity on him and gently pushed him aside.

"Watch how it's done." Mark said, rolling up his sleeves and taking the remaining two rings from Donghyuck.

Mark took a breath before aiming the ring and lightly tossing it.

Donghyuck watched in wonder as the ring landed gracefully around the car. "How did you do that?"

Mark smirked, "It's a secret."

"Fine, but I get the prize since you used my money."

"Fair enough. Which one do you want?"

"Hmm. I'll take the fluffy bunny."

"You know how did I know you were gonna pick that?"

"I bet you didn't know that I'm gonna kick you right in the balls." 

Mark didn't know what to say about that, he really didn't know if the younger was playing or not.

The two spent their time playing games, eating cotton candy and, going on rollercoasters. The sun was starting to set behind them, but the two couldn't care any less, to engrossed in the fun they were having.

Donghyuck knew that the hospital had notified both of their parents about how they're missing, and there is probably a search team looking for them, but Donghyuck wanted to do one more thing.

"Come on hyung, let's go on the ferris wheel." Donghyuck once again grabbed Mark's hand before pulling in the direction of the famous attraction.

The line surprisingly wasn't that long, so they only had to wait a few moments before they could get into the booth. Mark took a seat next to Donghyuck, knees touching, and hands still intertwined.

Neither of them spoke until the wheel started to move. Donghyuck looked out the window, admiring the stars that appeared in the night sky.

"So did you have fun Mark?" Donghyuck asked, without even looking away from the window.

"Yeah I did. Did you?"

Donghyuck turned away from the window to face Mark. "Yeah I did. I'm sad its almost over."

"Yeah. I'm not ready to go back to that boring room, not yet."

"Me neither."

Donghyuck didn't notice how Mark's face was inching closer to his, or how his eyes automatically closed when he felt the soft lips against his.

Feelings poured out in the kiss, telling each other how they felt. Donghyuck felt Mark wrap his arms around his waist, and Donghyuck naturally loosely put his arms around his hyung's neck. The kiss seemed to last for ever, neither of them willing to pull away.

That is until Donghyuck felt it.

Mark didn't even see, it coming. He was confused when Donghyuck suddenly pulled away, but he realized why.

Donghyuck was vomitted on the floor, blood was mixed into it, making an even more gruesome sight.

"Oh my God! Donghyuck, are you alright?!"

Donghyuck just let out a pathetic sob, before he coughed up more blood.

Mark panically pressed the emergency button, almost breaking the button with the force he used.

"It's gonna be alright Hyuckie! Don't worry, you'll be alright. Just stay with me." Mark tried to comfort the younger, but he had tears running down his face as well.

When the door was opened, Mark literally cried. "Call the ambulance! He needs help!"

The operator quickly called the paramedics, before helping Mark and Donghyuck to a bench.

Donghyuck curled into a ball, and started to shake uncontrollably. He held on to Mark's hand tightly, nearly cutting of the circulation, but Mark couldn't find it in himself to complain.

When the paramedics got there, they quickly whisked Donghyuck away, causing the younger to scream.

"No! Hyung, I want my hyung! Mark! Don't leave me!" The younger thrashed around, trying to get to Mark, which made the paramedics sedate him.

Mark couldn't do anything except sit next to the unconscious boy, praying he would be fine.

XXXXXXX

"Mark! We were so worried about you! Don't ever pull a stunt like that again, do you understand me? You scared me half to death."

Mark could barely feel his mother hugging him. He couldn't really register the tears that were falling from his eyes or his mother's tears. All he could think about was Donghyuck. Donghyuck , Donghyuck, Donghyuck. He knew it was a bad idea, he shouldn't have let Donghyuck convince him to leave. He knew something would happen, and it did. Now Mark sat in his room, no they're room, having no idea what's happening with Donghyuck. He can only sit and wait and hope that it's not his time to go.

"Mark, honey are you listening?"

"Sorry mom, what'd you say?"

"I said that Donghyuck's stomach started to reject the medicine, so he started to vomit to get rid of it." His mother explained.

"Is he going to live?"

His mother didn't answer him, so Mark took that as a no.

XXXXXXX

It's been two years. Two years since Donghyuck went into a coma. Two years since Mark was released from the hospital. Two years since Mark had heard his voice.

Mark was deemed well enough to be treated at his home, but still went to bi weekly check ups. Doctors don't know what happened, but Mark seemed to have gotten a lot better since that night. While his family seemed ecstatic by the news, Mark himself was upset that he couldn't see Donghyuck everyday anymore. Mark missed those days where he could just wake up to see Donghyuck's beautiful face. Or how on good days, Donghyuck would come on his bed and tickle him to wake him up. Back then Mark hated it, but now craves the younger boy more than anything or anyone else.

Even though years have passed since the tragic incident, Mark still kept his promise. He never forgot Donghyuck, he hasn't moved on. Everyday when Mark wakes up, he thinks about if Donghyuck is awake from his coma.

Mark no longer hated his life, no longer craved death. Because even if it was only one day, that day had the biggest impact of anything in his entire life. That day, he found his reason to go on. He got inspiration. 

Mark looks back on the day, and he constantly wishes that he was able to make it last longer. Because that one day wasn't enough.

The time he spent with Donghyuck was not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! It is done, finally. I know this isn't what you guys were expecting, but I like changed at the last second, so his isn't too sad! And guys,cheer up! Because I'm making a sequel to this which is about when Donghyuck wakes up from the coma. So look foward to that. So I hope you guys enjoyed reading this, and if you did, please leave comments and kudos!
> 
> Please excuse all of my mistakes, and I love you guys so much! See you next time!
> 
> Fun fact: this one shot is longer than my chaptered fic, Trouble, which has three chapters.


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